So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I AM VODKA MAN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
