I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
