Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
