If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
