wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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