NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
