Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cut my penus on the lid.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
