apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
