Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
