i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
