So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
