just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
