I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
