A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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