And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
