he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
