People with herpes should wear stickers.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
