i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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