Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
