We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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