sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
