Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
