Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
