...so i touched it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
