Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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