You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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