I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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