good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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