She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
