i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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