i barfeds in our rink
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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