Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
