dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
