had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
