you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
