Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
