Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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