my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
