Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
