you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
