We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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