I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize