Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
