It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize