five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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