Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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