Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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