What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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