So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
