I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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