Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
