Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
