i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
