my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
