alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
