He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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