Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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