Soap is not a condiment
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
