Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
