I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
