The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
