I wanna passion pit in your ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
