Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
