I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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