im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
