like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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