Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
