from now on my penis is your penis
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
