I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
