My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
