How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
