none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
